Introduction
For the past decade, I’ve worked under various managers—both technical and non-technical. One key lesson I’ve learned is that managing your manager is as crucial as managing your tasks. It’s about empathy, understanding their perspective, and creating a good working relationship.
In the last 4 years, I’ve worked with 5 different managers and got promoted 3 times (most of them unexpected and earlier than usual). More importantly, I’ve built great relationships with all of them, and can gladly call them friends.
Here are some lessons I’ve learned to effectively build a good relationship with my manager.
Understand Their Perspective and Style
Whenever I start working with a new manager, I try to understand their background, current position, and style. This helps me know how they think, what they value, and how they want to communicate.
I’ve been fortunate to work with managers who were open about their background and expectations. However, I always do my homework to answer some core questions:
- What are their primary concerns and goals?
- What pressures are they facing?
- How do they prefer to communicate? Do they care about every detail, or just executive summaries?
- How hands-on are they? Do they prefer to be involved in every decision, or do they trust their team to make the right calls?
This approach helps align with their expectations. It’s not about manipulation but about creating a common goal.
Set Context and Expectations
Whenever I talk to my manager, I give clear context and set expectations. Some might think this opens the door for micromanagement, but it does the opposite for me. It helps me and my manager get on the same page sooner and shows respect and trust.
In return, I ask for context and expectations. This puts me in a better position to deliver what’s expected from me and allows the manager to share their thoughts, expectations, and concerns. This way, I can address them early and avoid misunderstandings.
Paired with regular updates, this shows the value I’m bringing. This is important to any manager as they try to measure their team’s impact.
Prioritize
Keep your manager informed about your progress, challenges, and any potential risks. The depth of details depends on your role and your manager’s role. This might be a quick executive summary in a 5-minute huddle or a detailed writeup.
A few months ago, I asked a Principal Engineer how he decides what to work on because he always seems to be working on the right things. He said, “Whatever keeps my manager up at night. I work on that.” While simplistic, it works well, especially in high-impact roles.
Speak Up
Everyone who has worked with me knows that I’m very verbose in my communication. My goal is to share my experience, knowledge, and opinions with those around me. This encourages others to speak up, creating a transparent and safe environment.
I hold myself accountable for how I communicate. I try to be assertive but not aggressive and provide evidence to support my opinions. This strengthens my case and shows that I’ve done my homework.
Most importantly, I listen well to my manager and colleagues. I’m open to being wrong and learning something new. Going into any conversation with this mindset makes it easier for everyone.
Finally
Be the person you want to work with. This might be a cliché, but it’s true. If you want your manager to be transparent, be transparent. If you want your manager to be respectful, be respectful. If you want your manager to be a good listener, be a good listener.
This puts you in a great place, especially when you are reliable and trustworthy. This is the foundation of any good relationship, not just with your manager.